In the world of dating, the quirks and qualities that make you who you are can sometimes be the deciding factors in whether a connection blossoms or fizzles out. Those little peculiarities and characteristics that can transform a promising spark into a fiery flame or a pile of ashes in the blink of an eye.
Think about your smile, for example. While your smile holds the power to create an instant connection, if you have crooked teeth, it can also be someone’s deal breaker. From looks and hygiene to your personality and employment status, most people have varying degrees of deal breakers or red flags for relationships.
Dating deal breakers are just like they sound — non-negotiable qualities or behaviors that would end a relationship. On the other hand, dating red flags are warning signs that indicate potential issues but may not be an immediate deal breaker. With red flags, individuals typically proceed into the relationship with caution.
With these ideas in mind, we were curious to know more about American’s top deal breakers and red flags in dating. To find out, we surveyed 1,305 Americans in 25 of the biggest cities about their deal breakers and red flags in dating.
Key takeaways
- Bad hygiene, being racist, and being self-absorbed are American’s biggest dating deal breakers.
- The three biggest dating red flags are: doesn’t ask get-to-know-you questions, being constantly on their phone, and talking about their ex.
- Austin, San Antonio, and Detroit are the top cities where people get ghosted in relationships.
- Blank bios, photos with filters, and wedding photos are the biggest red flags on a dating profile.
Americans’ top dating deal breakers
Dating deal breakers are the invisible boundaries and non-negotiables that shape romantic pursuits. They vary from personal preferences and pet peeves to deeply ingrained values, and they have the power to break a blooming relationship. While you may not know someone’s deal breakers from the first hello, 65% of Americans say they are typically upfront with someone about their deal breakers, so it shouldn’t take too long to figure them out.
While the dating world has no shortage of unique relationships and potential candidates, there are common standards on which Americans won’t compromise. In America, the top dating deal breakers are bad hygiene, being racist, and being self-absorbed.
Although deal breakers are generally non-negotiable, sometimes, people make exceptions in the name of love. Over half of Americans, 52%, say they’ve lowered their standards to date someone who would normally be a deal breaker. Bonus points if the person is attractive, as 57% are more likely to disregard one of their deal breakers if the person charms their eye.
In terms of habits, the way someone treats people in public can either make or break the relationship. According to our respondents, 90% say it’s a deal breaker when someone is rude to staff or employees while they’re out.
Interestingly enough, your interests can also deter potential partners. The top two interests that are deal breakers for Americans have to do with OnlyFans — 98% say it’s a deal breaker if the person they’re dating either watches or posts on OnlyFans. Other interests that complete the top five are gambling, and listening to the Joe Rogan podcast, and liking guns.
Top deal breakers in major cities
Everyone knows that the quality of the dating scene varies from city to city, and so do American’s dating deal breakers. While surveying each city, we found out where each dating deal breaker is the biggest turnoff. While some cities ranked first for multiple deal breakers, not every city we surveyed came in first for at least one.
From our pool of respondents, those in Austin marked saying “I love you” too early as a dating deal breaker more than any other city. In some cases, respondents in certain cities marked two or more deal breakers as a nonnegotiable more than other cities. For example, Jacksonville says not respecting boundaries, being self-absorbed, owning cats, or having bad hygiene are considered deal breakers more than other cities.
The biggest red flags in dating
Along with deal breakers, those searching for relationships have another thing guiding them away from partners that may not be a love connection — red flags. Dating red flags are the cautionary signals that help you navigate the complex world of romance.
The warning signs can come in many forms, from inconsistent communication and evasive behavior to a lack of respect or shared values. In short, people recognize these red flags as they trust their instincts and stick to their boundaries.
A red flag isn’t always an immediate deal breaker. In fact, only 20% stop dating someone after they’ve been shown one red flag. But for those who do let the red flag fizzle out their romance, 50% end the relationship either immediately after or a few days later.
For the majority of Americans, it takes two red flags for them to no longer be interested in the person. The top things Americans consider red flags are when someone doesn’t ask questions to get to know you, they’re constantly on their phone, or they talk about their ex.
Americans biggest dating red flags by city
Red flags don’t just vary from person to person but also by city. No matter where you are, you can come across someone with red flags, but there are certain red flags that are more prevalent in each city. The most common red flags in major cities are when a date doesn’t ask questions to get to know you, they’re constantly on their phone, or they talk about their ex.
With so many red flags, it can seem impossible to find someone to date who shows no signs that you should walk away, in fact, 79% say it’s difficult to find someone to date who shows no red flags. The search for those who aren’t walking red flags can be hardest in certain cities. Our respondents revealed that the top cities where it’s hardest to find someone to date with no red flags are Seattle, Fort Worth, and Nashville.
Dating profile don’ts
Online dating has transformed the way Americans search for love. Nowadays, dating profiles serve as the modern-day equivalent of a first impression. These profiles are windows into the personalities, interests, and aspirations of those seeking a connection in the virtual dating world.
Just like in-person dating, dating profiles can come with their fair share of red flags that make someone swipe left in rejection. The top red flags in a dating profile are blank bios, photos with filters, and wedding photos. Although not red flags, some things aren’t appealing in a dating profile — bad grammar, Bible verses, and saying you’re looking for someone over a specific height.
The cities where people get ghosted most in relationships
As spooky as ghosts can be, getting ghosted in a relationship can be just as eerie. Ghosting is the act of abruptly cutting off all communication with someone you’ve been seeing or talking to, leaving them in a state of confusion and uncertainty. In the dating world, ghosting has become all too common, and 46% of respondents have ghosted someone they were dating.
It’s basically a silent exit, where texts and calls go unanswered and any promises of future plans vanish into thin air. For the individual who was ghosted, it can be emotionally jarring, leaving them feeling rejected, hurt, and confused about what went wrong.
The top reasons Americans have ghosted someone in a relationship are because of lack of interest or attraction, to avoid confrontation, and because the person offended them. If getting ghosted doesn’t sound like something on your to-do list, you may want to avoid dating in the following cities. The top cities where people get ghosted most are Austin, San Antonio, and Detroit.
In the unpredictable dating word, being aware of deal breakers and red flags is essential. They guide you, acting as the silent protector of your heart, helping you make informed choices, and guiding you to a partner who will put a permanent smile on your face.
Although searching for your perfect partner can take time, obtaining your perfect smile doesn’t have to, thanks to Shiny Smile’s snap-on veneers. Unlike traditional veneers, clip-ons are temporary veneers that you can wear and remove as often as you like. With a new smile, you can be confident that bad teeth will not be the deal breaker for your dream partner.
Methodology
From October 12, 2023 to October 19, 2023, we surveyed 1,305 Americans about their dating deal breakers and red flags. Respondents ranged in age from 18 to 76 years old, and were 50% female, 48% male and 2% nonbinary.